The Confidence Equation

Helping kids be brave means shifting our parenting goals. We need to go from Parenting for Comfort - trying to prevent kids from feeling bad by rescuing, accommodating, or avoiding- to Parenting for Confidence. Fortunately, the equation for confident kids is actually surprisingly simple- A + B = C .

Notice: Anxiety is not the problem. It’s a core ingredient. It’s actually central to how the brain learns safety—through what’s called inhibitory learning. Bravery only rewires the brain when fear is present. No one gets confident they can handle hard stuff without… handling hard stuff. 

Parenting for Confidence means supporting kids with our own ABC recipe. We can:

1.  Create opportunities for anxiety through Adventure. No kid jumps off the high dive if you never take them to the pool.  Get out and get to a space where something novel could happen. Risk failure, judgment, critique! Go forth and find uncertainty... it might even be fun.

2. Be the Bravery you wish to see in your child. Show your kid they can handle this by modeling it. Do the scary thing! Try out that high dive yourself so they can see for themselves, “the water’s fine!”

3. Celebrate Confidence-building actions. Cheer for and reward brave steps! Brave is hard work, and hard work deserves reward. The more you reward and reinforce bravery, the more bravery you’ll see in your kids. A step toward bravery is a step toward confidence, and that’s absolutely worth celebrating.